The Virtues of Befriending Yourself & Imitating Others

02 \\ April 2024

‘allo, my friends!!

This issue combines a bit of both curation and exploration. Instead of a “what can we do with this?” section for each item, I’ll include a general reflection on the whole at the end.

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But a quick question before moving into the meat of the issue.

Since I’m usually writing down to the wire, it’s difficult for me to get set up to record an audio version of each newsletter. That said, I do enjoy reading them aloud, and am happy to do so if the audio version makes a difference to your engagement and/or enjoyment of this newsletter.

So if you have a preference, would you let me know by clicking the poll below? Merci beaucoup, mes amis!

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The State of the Culture 2024, Ted Gioia

What is this about?

Back in February (eons ago!), Ted Gioia’s newsletter and a couple of related infographics began making the rounds online. It seemed like everyone referenced it, raving about the author’s insights, affirming his assessment, and just generally fan-clubbing all over it. And it’s easy to see why. Gioia, a music and culture writer, offers trenchant observations about contemporary social trends at the intersection of creative work and technology.

Gioia’s “State of the Culture” essay observes the (seemingly unstoppable) sprawl of social media platforms into every moment of our days, tracking a shift from art to entertainment, then distraction into addiction. He proposes that we’ve moved from an “entertainment culture” to an “addiction culture” delivered by digitally mediated distraction.

If you’re lamenting your inability to read physical books, sit with a slow movie, listen to a whole album, or wait in line without feeling the twitch to check an app on your phone - well, Gioia says, that’s our “tech cartels” winning at the game of addiction.

So What?

It’s not hard to fist-punch the air with a “hell yeah” in response.

I get it. It resonated for me as well. This essay reads as a lament, a dirge; at the very least, a vibe.

We have this sense that, through specific uses of our devices, we’re regularly herded into very narrow, very restricted channels of understanding and navigating the world.

At first, it seemed benign - options such as finding people we’d forgotten about! (Possibly for good reason.) Spooky connections at a distance, anyone? The convenience of instant sharing and connection captured an aspect of human interaction that dazzled, marveled, won us over.

But maybe that’s not sufficient for flourishing human personhood, after all?

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Desire, Dopamine, and the Internet, Mike Sacasas

What is this about?

Back in March (eons ago!), Mike Sacasas, one of my favorite thinkers and writers on technology, shared his own reaction to Gioia’s essay. It’s a characteristically generous, thoughtful, and incisive response.

Sacasas uses one of Gioia’s infographics to delve more deeply into the underlying dynamics and shifts, observing that, while the “dopamine/addiction” framing addresses real and important concerns, it might be inadequate and “counter-productive.”

Sacasas writes that he prefers to speak of “compulsion and habit,” rather than addiction, because the language of the latter obscures the degree of agency we do, in fact, possess over our lives. Of course, that also shifts our understanding of the degree of responsibility borne by all parties - tech cartels and users alike.

If we are actually addicted to social media and distraction, then the tech cartels bear the bulk of the responsibility for the design and delivery choices made to “hook” millions of users on their product. If, however, we have developed a compulsive, “twitchy” habit because of how we have trained our desire…well, it’s hard to look at our own culpability sometimes.

Sacasas points out that we are desiring creatures, seeking fulfillment of not just our animal appetites, but also the deeper, more profound desires of connection, intimacy, and relationship. Human history is a long record of our fundamental confusion over ends and means: the mistaking of sating appetite for the satisfaction of desire. The tools of our pursuit change over time; our nature, not so much. And it’s our nature that we have a hard time befriending.

Sacasas reflects that humans have often found it difficult to be alone with ourselves and comfortable with our desires, observing that the

problem with social media platforms is not just that they seek to hook us on their products, it’s also that they offer themselves as the answer to profound human desires, which they are ultimately unable to satisfy.

So What?

And yet, I think this also gives us occasion for hope: if we are unhappy with our current state, that unhappiness can mark our desire for change. But, as I’m becoming ever more convinced of, it’s not enough to simply align ourselves against something. We must also orient ourselves toward something else, a vision or a purpose holding greater appeal than the thing that disturbs or deforms us.

And that is the great point of Sacasas’ essay: that the cultural dynamics of dopamine, compulsion, and superabundance leave us with few resources to say either yes or no to anything. And so the question of reorienting our relationship to digital media becomes a matter of uncovering appetites, desires, and the stories we tell ourselves about both.

Sacasas brings out nuances to Gioia’s essay that I think help us move beyond our initial fist-pump, hell-yeah reaction. He invites us into deeper reflection on the language we use to describe our current moment and selves, because sometimes changing our vocabulary can help us see new options. Reframing our words can help us reframe our worlds.

One thing I appreciate about this essay (and all of Sacasas’ writings) is his emphasis on the cultivation of personal virtues and character for the sake of, not just our own well-being, but also for our neighbors’ and our communities’ well-being.

We are not ourselves by ourselves, or for ourselves. The purpose, and satisfaction, of cultivating our own selves lies in the formation we spark in others. Which, in our best moments, leads to some small repair of the world around us.

What can we do now?

I have, as usual, not done justice to the original thoughts and authors of these essays, so I encourage you to go read them and explore your own reactions. Well worth the time, I think.

We are distracted these days, intentionally so in some respects, and unwillingly in others. And the great task of resistance begins with the interior journey of self-awareness and making friends with our own souls.

Getting to know our desires, distinguishing them from our appetites, and learning the appropriate means of orienting and pursuing both effectively… We could say that this is the process of formation itself.

And so (to tie this back to recent explorations in role models), one way in which we can support our formation lies in finding someone else who has already done the work of befriending themselves and rightly orienting their ends and means.

In the drive for authentically unique selves, we have lost the art of deliberate, conscious imitation, but it may be a skill worth recovering. Perhaps finding someone who lives a story that you find appealing, articulating why that is, and modeling your own choices and behaviors on theirs is a place to start.

You’ll have to let me know what you find out.

Let’s be hopeful, creative, and wise—together.

Shalom,